feelings

got a cavity filled today
and i took it so hard like
i feel dumb even writing that
like its not that big of a deal
but it just really

hurt my feelings it just
makes me so mad and makes me
hate myself and its like
im pretty much over it now but
it just sparked
so many feelings

it brought up so many old vibrations that
i don’t even feel equipped to deal
with that i dont want to address
that i dont know how to address

that i’m mad they exist.

that i’m mad they’re still there
like you think you dealt with them
but you know you never have
probably never will but you
tell yourself you’re over it or maybe your subconscious
tells you that or your ego

and now its like i barely care anymore
but i still feel like shit

oh well life goes on i
can move on i can just turn my attention somewhere else i can
just shift the attnetion just
chosoe not to

let it stick to me
because its not me its noever me

never its just an old version of
my body but its not me
it

can never affect me because i am
infinite i am ot a
not a body so for that reason ic an let
it go and move on
and

so gratefulhat

that with space

its easy for m
to move on

it brings up a lot
of shame it brings up a lot of
insecurity
and i’m grateful for the
lense
i’m grateful to see that
to see that is
what is inside
to know that is in ther e
and allow it to

express itself i feel the
shame of growing up poor

i feel it i feel it i feel
the shame i allow the shame
even though i didn’t take care of my teeth

i still love and appreciate myself
the way i am

even though i grew up poor
i still love and appreciate myself
for who i am

feeling better instantly
after starting this
and writing hlep s
helps me so much

just by saying the feelings
brsingin

bringing awareness to them
it helps tehm

them pass

it helps me separate from the emotions
from the shame

i am not the shame
the shame is just an idea

the insecurity is just an idea
and when i say

it brought up insecurities
that id idn’t

i didn’t know were still there
it means i am aware of the insecurities
and that i not AM the insecurities

which means they exist outside of me
which means they aren’t me

and that awareness
is so much for

more valuable
and effective

than suppression

or

band aids like alcohol or dugs or
drugs or good

food

and i can feel compassion for myself
i can
i can love myself
i can laov

love myself i am allowed to love
myself to be okay with myself

i’m allowed to be ok with myself
how i am
i’m allowed
to love myself to look for reasons
to love to love me
and to know
that i am lovable that i am valuable
and only i can find that within me

maybe that’s the key to it
maybe i dont think i deserve firends

friends

maybe i think i’m unfriendable
unlovable
unget-to-know-able

not compassionate
not understanding
not worthy of friendship

not deserving
too stuck up too stuck in my ways

too

many criteria

i guess for myself

this writing just really helps
it helps me become aware
it helps me let go

it helps me remember who i am
it helps me em

me move on to now that
no matter what i don
don’t have to dwell
and i can choose to let go

of those insecurities
to feel secure in myself
in the events of my life

to feel secure now.

feeling so much better
and grateful to have that energy
move through me

grateful to move through it
to be aware of the vibration
i know i know
its deeper its

a self worth thing
i know it all comes back to self worth
and its an important
lesson that i’m grateful for that
i’m so grateful for

whenever i dont want to take
care of myself
its because i’m not

worthing myself

ive decided i’m not worth it
and that’s a thought pattern to be aware of
to chosoe worth

i choose worth
and i’m so grateful for the
clues that hlep

help me see that i’m so grateful

for self awareness

awareness of the self
but also

awareness as the self

embodying the true self, and then becoming aware of all
that is not the self
the pain is not the self

the thoughts the
insecurities
are not the self

the self is the one who watches

the one is the one who is aware

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