so grateful i know my only job
is to count and the rest
just falls
away so grateful i know that when i count
it flows
today my client told me she was paying me
$100 more than i expected
and my brother survived cancer
even though he was at
death’s door
and when i count
i feel better and i know that
there is nothing besides right now
when i count i remember it’s only
ever
going to be right now and the
rest just doesn’t matter
when i count the resistance
just
goes away
it feels like smoking some good
bud
or eating some good shrooms
the resistance just goes away
the
shit
you thought you cared about
just
drifts
drips
drips down the side of your
architecture like
a sharp icicle
melting
and then if you let
the icicle melt long enough
it starts to take your architecture
with it
the walls
the scaffolding the
bullshit you’ve built around
who you really are
the persona
the conditions
pretty soon if you let
the icicle melt long enough
spring comes
the ground upon which
you built your house
of bullshit
slips like sand
grain by grain
number by number
into the center of nothingness
into the pit of
dark matter that exists between
all the molecules of our lives
and then it is just you
a fresh plot
a luscious plot
a giving plot a
fertile plot from which you
can choose to build anything
and from this vantage point you
realize there was never any
reason
to build that house
from which the
icicles hung
no need to shut out the
truth of who you are
to keep the god out because you
are afraid or you’re trying
to fit yourself in a mold
buy a house
build a house
born
school
married
house
kids
work
old
die
be like everyone else
fit yourself into a box
work for the man
waste your life doing something
that you don’t love
something that doesn’t thrill you
to get money to pay for the
BULLSHIT HOUSE YOU’VE BUILT AROUND THE TRUTH
but when i count
the house melts
like grains of sand
and then all that’s left is me
and from that standpoint
anything is possible
without all constraints of
misbelief
without resistance
anything seems possible
without the seed of doubt
life feels fun and exciting
invigorating
mysterious
but always on my side and when i know
all i have to dois
is count to enjoy life
everything seems a lot easier
when i can allow myself
to just slip into the moment
and enjoy the beingness
of it
life seems a lot easier
let it all go and let
life fill int he blanks
and that is my power
my power is in allowing my
plot to grow
to flourish
without my intervention
not to protect my plot
my power
from itself
to force it deep inside
behind walls so
others don’t see it
and ridicule it
my power is in my allowing
my plot to grow to flourish
allowing my seeds
to rise toward the sun
allowing myself
the only true calling life
rising toward the sun
and when i build an
architecture of bullshit
around the truth
i can’t rise toward the
light because i
block it out
but when i count
the sand melts the house away and
soon there is a crack
and a sliver of sun gets into the
house and the house says
what who am i
no i am melting wtf who i am i
who are you without this house
around you you are no one!!
you are no one without a box
to fit yourself into!!
you will be nothing if i’m gone
better stop counting now
and rebuild me
rebuild me now so you can live
but don’t listen to the house
who listens to advice
from a house?!
listen to you
you are not the house
you are the plot of land
that the house
is built on
you are the earth
you are fertile earth
you are the energy of the
earth
you are the energy that
made
the
earth
that is you
not a damn house
and all the stress in your life
comes from trying to maintain the house
the facade
imagine the sense of freedom
that comes with every grain of
the house of sand slipping away
into nothing and then
no house
no worries
no architecture
nothing to uphold
no standards to meet
no expectations to fill
no house
no worries
no architecture
no worries
no lies
no expectation
of something outside of
you to make you feel
better
only the energy of the earth
only the soil
the rare
bare
dirty
energetic
potential
that is what you are
potential
not something that gets built and
then torn down
not something that
dies and then is born
you are
eternal
potential
and when you are able to
let the house of lies
slip away you are
able to fully feel the power
of that potential
the potential
to rise toward the sun
get the house
the fuck out of the way
and feel yourself
naturally
move toward the light
nothing is wrong
nothing is bad
you don’t have to protect yourself
from life
i don’t have to protect myself
from life i am one with life
i am one with life and i trust the
process i trust the
potential of this here and now
i trust the potential of
this
event horizon
underneath every
architecture of bullshit
is an event horizon
let all the beliefs go
all the negative shit you think about
people and situations
that is your house
resisting
that is a house
that is a wall
a box to climb into
and be comfortable
worry
is
a
house
a
jail
and it’s not my job
to tear down the house
it’s my job
to allow the
numbers to
take the house away with them
grain
by
grain